A rich tale, indeed!

When someone tells you that you have just been bequeathed a huge sum of money, you can afford to dream. But dream on — some things are just too good to be true.

I’M rich! Fabulously rich! Wealthy beyond my wildest dreams!

I’m so rich I could retire, go out and buy an island off Penang, settle down with a martini (shaken, not stirred – eat your heart out, Mr Bond) and laze the rest of my life away.

Why am I so ebullient? Well, I just got this e-mail.

There’s this nice, kind lady by the name of Sarah Campbell and she lives somewhere in England, I guess. I have never met her in my life – and she has just willed £20,000,000 to me.

Yes, you read that right. That’s 20 million pounds – 100 million Malaysian smackers.

What did I tell you? I am rich!

The poor, old lady... No, I take that back. She’s not poor and I won’t call her old, not when she’s leaving £20mil to me. The nice, kind lady, it seems, has cancer.

And she wants me to pray for her recovery in return for the £20mil. It’s for the good work of the Lord.

For that kind of money, I’ll get down on my knees, I will prostate. (I do that, anyway. I am Hindu.) Hey, I’ll even carry a kavadi for her. ( I do that, too, sometimes.)

The only thing is: I think the Lord she is talking about is the one that church-goers pray to. But never mind, the Lord works in strange ways. And if he thinks I should come into RM100mil, who am I to say no?

I’ve been seeing some astrologers and fortune-tellers lately. It’s for another piece I am working on.

One guy said I should be filthy rich and famous by now but for some kind of jinx hanging over me. (Of course, I would have to pay to have the jinx lifted.)

Another said I should turn up the lights in the house (not bright enough, it seems) to come into money. I did (turn up the lights, not come into money). The electricity bill has hit a new high – but so far, no good luck or great fortune.

Until now.

Maybe this is the biggie the fortune-tellers were talking about. Or maybe it’s what I think it is – just another scam.

There are many like that going around.

People get love notes and gifts from their new-found “lovers” only to be told that they have to pay “taxes” into someone’s account to collect the gifts.

Then, there’s the black money scam. The guy magically turns black paper into US dollars and then sells his “business” – lock, stock and barrel – to you for a pittance.

Heck, if I could make money out of plain paper, I would be minting the stuff and moving in next door to Roman Abramovich and buying a football club or something – not hawking the stuff at street corners.

A quick look-up on Google and there was this Australian site that lists some scams.

> You’re told you’ve won a prize in an overseas lottery (but you don’t remember entering ...)

> You’re offered a share of millions of dollars, just for allowing it to pass through your bank account ....

> You’re offered a “business opportunity” too good to refuse – why would you pass up the chance to be rich?

> You’re told you can earn money or goods or support a charity just by forwarding an e-mail to all your friends ...

They are all too good to be true, says the site. And yes, they are all not true. But it’s a multi-million dollar business.

There was no mention of dear Mrs Sarah Campbell, both in the list of scams or when I googled her name. There was a professor and a free diver called Sarah Campbell, but I seriously doubt if they would leave me their millions.

Still, it was cold water on my dreams of becoming one of those rich guys in flashy cars and swanky suits. Oh well, I guess I’d rather bum around in a T-shirt and shorts than in those stiff swanky suits, anyway.

And if I were rolling in millions and woke up one day to find out that I had cancer, I would probably be doling out my cash to people who help fight cancer, like Makna, the National Cancer Council, or the Mount Miriam Hospital in Penang or something; not to some newsman from a country half the world away.

The e-mail said I should contact a certain lawyer with a reference number and he would help me make arrangements to collect the £20mil.

So, I did – without the reference number.

But this lawyer, he’s a snappy guy. He got on my case and knew who I was and is now working on getting the millions into this country. He wants some details from me first. I’m still thinking that one over.

I googled him. And yes, he’s listed as a big-shot lawyer in a big-shot firm in Harrow Road near Wembley in London, with his photograph and all.

But then, I am not to contact him via his listed e-mail, only the one with which he contacts me – it goes xxxxxxxx in.th. – a Thailand-based e-mail.

A Thai-based e-mail for a hot-shot lawyer based in London? It seems he fears for his reputation built over 21 years in the firm.

He says he will soon have a contract signed with the dear old lady declaring me as the benefactor.

Wait a minute! Benefactor? I thought I was going to be the beneficiary!

And I would think a high-faluting lawyer in England would know the difference.

Oh, and there’s a catch. I am to keep the e-mail and its contents confidential.

Silly old me. I have now made it public for all. There goes my RM100mil. I guess it’s back to the keyboard, hard work and the 4D outlets.

The fortune-teller near the 4D outlet is the one who said I would become wealthy – if he lifts the jinx off me. Coming from someone who sits on a five-foot way, with some dusty old cards, that’s rich, indeed!

WHY NOT? By D. RAJ.

This article appeared in TheStarOnline on 23 March 2012

There have been stories of people striking it rich or some getting an inheritance from long-lost uncles. But Sarah Campbell? That’s an unlikely tale. One wonders if the British even know about this rich lady and her lawyer.

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